- Joe and I still have our casual relationship, although I find myself wondering what it would be like to have more. At the same time I'm so grateful to be free in so many ways.
- My friend Dwayne, at work is very actively pursuing a sexual relationship with me. I find it flattering and I love the attention, but he's quite a bit older than I and I can't picture myself with him in a sexual way. Trying not to lead him on.
- Mike, another friend from work, is married. I find myself deeply attracted to him, and the feeling is reciprocated. (We've briefly touched on the subject.) Nothing will become of the attraction, because I refuse to involve myself with a married man. Even knowing that this married man is attracted to me makes me feel bad... and a little bit guilty. I avoid being alone with him and try to keep our conversations short and professional.
- I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I've ever been before. I love my body, which is a huge achievement for me. I know what my flaws are, and I'm okay with them. I've never been able to say that before.
- I work at a job that I absolutely love! I'm a peon, my pay isn't great, but I love love LOVE my job! I work with a great group of very caring individuals and I work for people who are learning to live successfully with addictions, mental illnesses, and just plain ol' hard luck. I'm challenged each day. I work hard. There's never a dull moment. I may have already mentioned this, but I truly do love my job.
I was on a roll...
Posted in on 12:38 AM by VeraDon't Force It Please.
Posted in on 2:22 AM by VeraSaving My Car Soul
Posted in on 12:00 AM by Vera
When I was financially stable and working at a job I thought I'd be at for awhile, I leased a new car. My reasons were: to have dependable transportation, to have maintenance included in my payment, and to have the confidence having (and paying for) my own car would give me. Now, the job didn't last, and of course my lease payments did. I struggle with budgeting, I'm not good with money, but not working makes anyone terrible with money- especially me.
My church saved my car. They (the members through donations) paid my car payment when I could not. It took many sleepless nights and humility beyond that which I've felt before to ask for help. Now it takes strength, confidence and being true to myself to be okay with the help that I've been given. Now comes the work on saving my soul.
Words running through my head...
Posted in on 2:37 AM by VeraHe hugged me like a mountain and told me he would keep me satisfied
And now I must admit that that mountain of a man, he lied
This heart of mine is hanging up inside, it's crushed and the soul is worn
I've felt my own scorn - and resorted to porn
I want sex like a cattle drive in Texas
Joe
Posted in on 2:22 AM by VeraI met Joe at work and he vividly remembers the day he realized he wanted to fuck me. He was checking out my breasts when were working in very close quarters. I don't think I noticed then, but I recall when I decided I wanted to fuck him... It was just after talking with him about sex toys and slumber parties. It was a moment that made me blush when I realized it.
We play games and tell stories, play truth or dare, and share fantasies. We take showers and watch porn and sleep soundly next to each other between sex. (We always have sex a few times at night and then in the morning too) The sex is great, and keeps getting better. We rarely go out together, we don't share friends, we don't have normal relationship expectations of each other. We keep our relationship secret, and maybe that's part of the fun. I wouldn't tell him this, but I love my Average Joe. :) I'm completely satisfied with things as they are. I'm pretty sure he is too.